1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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