there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
