3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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