Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
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