the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
