Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
