Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
