Do you still have your period?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think I sprained my soul last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
