I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
