I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
