We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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