Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
