He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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