Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
