in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
My dick has a subreddit
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
