i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
