I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
