she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
