My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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