You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
