You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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