I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
