But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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