did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
only you would photoshop your dick
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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