So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
no, he came in my armpit
im holly from the hills drunk
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Randomize
