The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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