Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
