You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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