he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
