I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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