Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
