"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
