I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she looked like the before picture.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
