just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I checked into jail on foursquare
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
