Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
