Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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