So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
