My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
