I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
