we have pet lesbian snakes
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
pray to the hookup gods
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
