remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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