$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
