All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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