It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
