He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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