The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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