Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
