I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
