I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
