..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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