I can't breathe out the right side of my face
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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