Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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