We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
