"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
